No time for a naughty chair!

So... Alex decided to store some wooden blocks in my oven when I wasn't looking and when I went to preheat my baked ziti smoke billowed through my house. Starting to choke, I ran to open the windows and they wouldn't budge. At this point the smoke alarm is going off loudly and the kids are screaming in terror. The dumbass painter I paid $500 for (out of pocket even thought my landlord should have picked up the entire tab) painted over the lock latches. Bastard. I had to open the front door door that has no screen. There is a chipmunk we've had issues with whom lives in the shrubbery just outside of the door. Alex named him Hooper just like the one he is obsessed with on PBS. The chipmunk friendship began a few weeks back when Alex opened the door and all I heard was, "Hooper come on it!!!" Hooper came in. By nightfall I had to call Honest Abe. I know of Honest Abe because my brother lives in my parents basement. One day last year my brother fell asleep on the couch after work and woke up to a squirrel on the arm of the couch, directly at his feet. They both panicked. The squirrel jumped off the walls downstairs until my parents yellow-paged Honest Abe. He came to the rescue. So again Honest Abe came to my rescue and got Hooper out. He released him into the wild woods of my backyard, but he must be a front of the house type of chipmunk. Or... Abe is not really honest as he would have driven him to an undisclosed location miles away and text me a picture of Hooper loving his new habitat. Anyway, Hooper is back. Waiting for Alex to allow him entry once again. So... ok.... back to the smoking fire in my oven and here I am opening the doors, pumping the ceiling fan, the smoke alarm finally deactivating, me chugging from my pint of wine, and using tongs to take the charred blocks out of the oven like all at once.  I spent the next 20min prying off paint and opening my windows with a flat screwdriver and butter knife. (All while cursing my landlord and the dumbass painter) But the windows eventually opened. The smell of smoke barely lingered. The kids and I spent dinner talking about not touching the oven and how things that get hot can hurt people. Alex is two and a half years olds. Shit like this is bound to happen happens. Today though... oh today was a bit different. Dylan is getting really good at crawling. At 11 months he is a mighty boy with what I like to call Hulk-like-strength. It's developed all at once. He was a big fatty who laid around and rolled. Now he's a solid boy who crawls and pulls himself onto everything. So he was eating a crayon and as I went to take it away the lights went out.  Blackout.  Shit.  Just as I start to call out, "Oh no where's Alex?!" I hear, "Oh no Mommy! Look!" Dylan and I grabbed a flashlight and ran into the bathroom. And to my horror Alex took my keys, climbed onto his step stool, and stuck the key into the 4ft+ high electrical outlet!!! Shit!!! Ok the fuse box is in the outdoor storage shed. Thank God it's outside. Super smart. BUT it's smoking... And it looks unlike any fuse box I have ever seen. Shit. I go to to Greek's next door and sure enough my dear friend's husband who I always just thought was a delivery guy is a licensed electrical engineer in Greece trying to get his certification here. God bless them. He came to our rescue with a flip of a switch, something old and something new, and an IOU of a BBQ dinner soon. Great. Twice this week my two year old has done some very naughty things. Twice this week he has managed to remind me to stay on my toes. He sure got me to to back to using my oven as additional storage space like in NYC because emptying it to cook was an always guaranteed safety check.  And he showed me I need to cover ALL electrical outlets, not just the ones close to the floor.

Simple food is comfort food. Even though my kids live on salmon, corn, and spaghetti and clams (seriously... live on) they LOVE LOVE LOVE fun things. A Hole In The Bread breakfast is so great. I haven't eaten one in years and its delicious! I use a glass to cut out the holes. Butter the breads and I sprinkle cheese over the hole cut outs because let's face it... egg and cheese are meant for each other. Cook the egg till it doesn't jiggle. Salt, pepper, flip for a few seconds and serve. So easy.

And Micky Mouse pancakes. Oh dear yummmmmmm. I buy a batter that only needs water and add choco chips or blueberries. Pancakes with real maple syrup!!!! Prunes make the best lips for faces!!!

A hole in the bread with cheesy cut outs.  Awesome for dunking.

PRUNES MAKE FOR THE BEST LIPS EVER ON PANCAKES!!

My mom always took me to Chuck E Cheese as a kid so the first time I got to take my kids I took her along.
I think she had the most fun for sure!!!

Dylan LOVED the show and Alex thought the characters were scary.  Typical.

After like 5 turns on the Bob THE Builder ride I got Alex to try something new.

These little boys are truly the men of my dreams.

The great outdoors

I traded in a fabulous family vacation to Hilton Head to move into our new New Jersey digs. I'm learning a lot after an adulthood of solely city living. Not only have I figured out how to use a non commercial washer dryer and central air correctly, but there are a few other things I learned in my first week in my new home that I would love to share. 1) If your kids shit in the middle of the night and you can't walk to the dumpster, don't leave the bag on the back patio. Raccoons will come. 2) Learn how to properly use your car because it sucks if you are driving on a sunny 90 degree day and you can't get your windshield and rear windshield wipers to stop! 3) If you think you are a natural at organic gardening... rabbits are coming. 4) There are huge cockroaches outside of NYC except they're outdoor insects (not indoor pests) that climb into your car if you can't put your shit and kids in quick enough at night. 5) Take advise from #4 and consider not going out at night. 6) Detours are a real pain in the ass. 7) If you forget to turn the valve of an outdoor hose off pressure blows it up. Boom! 8) If you don't put your hose away before lawn care people come they cut it with your lawn. 9) If you can properly install a car seat without cursing you deserve a tech degree. 10) Spraying babies and toddlers with "Off" and repellents to go out at night is weird to me and Alex suffers from eczema too so it's not even an option. Mosquitos are the state bird in Jersey, you know. Making a concoction of orange peels simmered in water for 10-15 minutes, cooled, and put into a spray bottle will repel probably any insect biter. Score!

Years ago I went through a faze of infusing liquor. I use quart size mason jars and/or little glass corked bottles. Besides gardening (which is so addicting) I've rekindled my love for infusing liquors. Luckily it's to serve others and not me since I don't like drinking liquor. So far I've got 4 bottles ready and strained. My menu is:
1) Cucumber and mint infused gin
2) Habanero infused vodka
3) Cherry infused vodka
4) Cherry infused bourbon
5) Coffee Bean infused bourbon
They are freaking delicious and if my husband doesn't devour them all I will have a few bottles on hand to serve and make cocktails for guests on hand all summer!!! They are so easy and all natural. The trick is experimenting and tasting. Example: habanero's infuse for 3 hours, cherry's 3-4 days, cucumber's 4-6 days. Some batches I like smaller than others, but what a great project! I am dedicating my recipe this blog to liquor infusions. I did use the habanero vodka as a base for Bloody Mary's on Sunday and they were crazy good.

Wild Cherry Infused Vodka or Bourbon

Take any airtight canister, jar, bottle and fill it 1/4 with pitted and chopped fresh, ripe, and washed in-season cherries. Fill almost to full with desired liquor. A cleaner liquor but not too fancy tastes best. I use Stoli for Vodka and Jim Beam for bourbon. Shake and store in a cool dark place for 4 days. Shake well 3-4x a day. Strain and pour back. Serve straight or with mixers. Enjoy.

Dr. Mom

My latest resume includes: house cleaner, personal chef, cookie chef, massage therapist, physical therapist, nutritionist, bartender, teacher, student, toy assembler, toy mechanic, boo-boo kisser, singer, nurse practitioner, and doctor. I am a jack of all trades. Before I started smoking, drinking, and discovering musical theatre I was VERY young with this crazy idea I would be a doctor when I grew up. At first I thought I would be a veterinarian. Then I realized animals just don't like me very much. Ok ok animals hate me. I've been bit by 5-6 dogs, a police officer's horse in Times Square, and attacked by 2-3 cats. My gerbil hated me and would sink his little teeth into me every time I went to feed/pet him... ew! My dog even attacked me and all of the time. (May he rest in peace my favorite little Stoli.) Clearly being a vet and being a doctor is not for me although I really like helping other people and I read a lot about health and practicing medicine. So, now I have been dealing with my very sick toddler who I am slowly nursing back to health. After way over a month of bullshit, Alex has had 2 colds back to back, an ear infection, rushed in ambulance because he couldn't breathe and wound up having the croupe, hospitalized again Easter weekend testing positive for the flu, he got better for 2-3 days, and then he was just so sick he was in and out of the hospital for all together 15 days with high fevers 105.8 being the highest and crazy swollen tonsils. His tonsils are still huge, but they have gone down. They still have a bit of puss on them, but they no longer look like he ate a mouthful of cottage cheese. His throat was fire truck red. The cheesy puss all over my little boy's ganglia-globs have scared me for life. Never will I ever eat cottage cheese. I had my tonsils removed when I was 5 because they were so infected and nasty for a year. My husband should have had his removed as one is always bigger than the other and they swell and are nasty. I don't know about you medicine people, but when I was a kid if my mama took me to the doctor and I even complained of a sore throat I was swabbed for strep and given an antibiotic; strep or not as long as my throat looked red/inflamed. Not anymore apparently?!?! At the hospital I kept getting told, "It's viral.

You are being discharged with a dose of Motrin." So the conversation goes like this:

Me: How do you know that my sons pussy, crazy inflamed tonsils are due to a virus?
Doctor: There are 20,000 virus' and 20 kinds of bacteria. Chances are its viral.
Me: Ok so if my kid is walking around with an infection and needs an antibiotic what signs should I look for to bring him back?
Doctor: Not being as active as your kid is. Really sick kids with bacterial infections do not run around and play. They are very sick and his activity level makes me sure that this is a virus.
Me: Right... this is him medicated after getting Motrin in the waiting room for a 105.8 fever. If you saw him before that he sure as hell wasn't playing around. Buddy, my kid needs a fucking antibiotic and I'm not leaving without one.
Doctor: Parents always want answers and they want doctors to over-prescribe antibiotics when it's not a bacterial infection. It will do nothing if its viral.
Me: How can we be sure it's viral when he tested negative for most virus?
Doctor: It is almost impossible to tell if tonsillitis is bacterial or viral. We observe the child. You know, if a child has too much antibiotics in his lifetime it can throw off his genetic makeup and he can become immune to some antibiotics. That is why we are hesitant to prescribe them.
Me: Could he have abscessed tonsils?
Doctor: Yes
Me: And if he does?
Doctor: Then he needs an antibiotic
Me: Sir, my kid has been on antibiotics two times in his two years. And I am willing to bet his genetic makeup and his resistance that this time it is necessary.

I walked out of there with a perscription. And what do you know? After 24 hours, three doses, I was finally free of not acting like a child medicating maniac. I was giving my kid Motrin every 6 hours but shoving a tylenol suppository up his ass every 4 so that he would stop shaking as his fever spiked from 101 to 104+ in the 1-2 hour window before I could re-administer Motrin. So if that's not more harmful than prescribing a 10 day course of fucking bubble gum flavored ammoxicillin then I really don't know what the is going on or what I am doing!!!

And I was right. Of course I was right. Alex's tonsils abscessed. They're still bad, but he's fever free. He still has a lump sized swollen gland in his groin. Two days before coming down with the croup and all that jazz that followed he had his MMR vaccine. After loads of research i held off on this vaccine until Alex turned 2. I am super pro vaccinating kids, but my Dad is super susceptible and prone to shingles from radiation so I had to wait until I wouldn't see him for a month to vaccinate Alex. I am convinced, without a doubt, what happened is that Alex got a light case of measles from the shot mixed with a virus/flu he picked up somewhere and all together this little boy developed a terrible reaction somewhere somehow. The MMR causes swelling especially of lymph nodes in the groin. The croup is seen typically accompanying the measles. Coincidence? I think not.

So. Why don't all Mom's have an opportunity to get a sort of medicine practice degree. I'm not talking about being able to prescribe a lot, but let's say if there was a course that Mom's could take to properly diagnose the basics and write their kids a prescription so many doctors offices wouldn't be packed and health care costs would never be as high. I'd take the class. Wouldn't you? I'm talking about when a doctor checks for an ear infection they just stick that light up in there, look around, and say yes or no. What the hell do they see in there?! If I am out of town or its in the middle of the night (my kids never complain of ear pain when they had have an actual ear infection or do the tug on the ear) I can check for myself, find a pharmacy, and not have to resort to a hospital, a walk in, or wait it out. If I could write a prescription for extreme diaper rash beyond butt-aid's abilities, an ear infection, a sore throat... the basics... I don't think that's a bad idea at all. And I don't think it's a bad idea for day care centers to have a sick room where sick kids go and lay around watching movies all day; with a nurse on staff. I don't know that much about day care except that I have personally heard first and second hand account stories of moms who have had their kids not feeling well and running a fever when they just couldn't take off of work. So they pumped their kids with Tylenol, dropped them off at day care, and prayed nobody noticed if they ran a fever later on in the day. I've also heard of day cares having rules "No fever above 102." Are you fucking kidding me? Is that what our society has come to? Since the stay at home mom is almost non existent and the working mom has limited sick and personal days... Why aren't better plans available for everyone with sick kids? In France they pay you to have kids. Then they pay for your diapers. If you work hard in America and your kid is sick in day care they should be waited on hand and foot by a registered nurse.

Caprese Lasagna Roll Ups
Alex and my new favorite dish!
Serves 5 (I make for 4 and have 2 leftover)

10 lasagna noodles uncooked
1 1/2 cups ricotta cheese
1/3 cup grated Parmesan/ Pecorino
16 oz bag shredded mozzarella
4 plum tomatoes
1 egg white
Basil
2 cups tomato sauce

Preheat oven to 350. Bring pot to a boil and Under-Cook lasagna noodles by 1 minute. While they're cooking put ricotta in a bowl and add the white of an egg.
Mix till fluffy. Add Parmesan and 3/4 the bag of mozzarella. Mix and add pepper NO salt. When noodles are done lay them out on parchment or wax paper. Spread the cheese mixture on. Put 4-5 tomatoes next. Then top with basil and roll till seam-side down. Place in already prepared pan/ pans with the bottom lightly coated in some of the tomato sauce. Top each rollup with two+ tablespoons sauce covering the ends so they don't burn and remaining mozzarella. Bake 30 minutes. Garnish with more basil.

When in doubt make meatballs

One of the biggest movie/theatrical villins of all time sings, "Some women are drippin with diamonds. Some women are drippin with pearls. Lucky me. Lucky me. Look at what I'm drippin with... little girls." - Miss Hannigan
So what, she wanted to make an extra dollar. So what, she wanted the floors to, "Shine like the top of The Chrysler Building." This lady was underpaid, overworked, and had like 20 little girls abusing and torturing her during her 24 hour a day job. She didn't have an assistant. She never could have had a boyfriend, lover, or who would even want to be her friend?! She didn't have anyone else to take over when she needed a cocktail and a bath. And you damn well know when one of those little girls got sick... everyone got sick. Wow. Saint Miss Hannigan. Annie got it all wrong. How mean could one woman be who dedicated 24hours a day to orphans? Just in this month alone I have suffered an almost broken nose as I took a head-butt in the middle of the night from my two year old, a broken toe from him dropping his ride on toy on my foot, a bite, YES a bite from when he bit me as they drew blood from him in the ER so nasty I considered getting a tetanus shot, I always have loads of bruises, Dylan who's 6.5 months literally rips my hair out all day, and he scratched my almost broken nose today. Last night while I was sleeping Alex woke up around 4am and decided it would be funny to put his toy train down the back of my shirt. I jumped and screamed. That woke up Dylan in hysterics who has zero tolerance for noise. We all had some milk and wound up watching Thomas and Friends until 6am when they passed out on my lap and I had to do my homework, make coffee, and be in school by 9am. And I only have two little boys. Imagine 5 or 6. The more I think about it the more I can't believe how much Angelina and Brad must really be a team. They seem to really have their shit all together with 6 or 7 kids. Marc and I don't work very well together, but we're working on that. After 13 years of living in Manhattan I am moving back to Jersey. There is no way I can schlep my kids on crowded subways; dealing with elevators that don't work so I can get angry..curse.. then have to walk 10 blocks with a very full fucking bladder to the next station where I then (excuse my massive run on sentence please) can take 2 elevators that do work to the platform, wait for the next train, and take it 30-40 minutes uptown home. Fuck that. And people do this everyday! Sure most days go smoother. They check the MTA website to make sure it doesn't have an elevator outage reported. Anywhere you go shit does happen. In Jersey, yes, my new car might break down. We might get stuck in traffic at times. We might get lost on a detour. But we can take care of it a hell of a lot easier and a hell of a lot quicker. Do you know that the good pre schools all over Manhattan cost $10,000-$12,000 a year for 2-3 year olds to attend 3 days a week for 3 hours? Before throwing in the towel I stressed how I can send my kid to Columbia Hospital's really good pre school down the street and justify the $800 a month price tag when we live in a 1 bedroom apartment and are not millionaires. Even if I did fork over the cash for that preschool or any other one, I have to take him there by subway with Dylan in toe. In rush hour. Rain or shine. Elevator working or not. No thank you. Because after preschool comes kindergarden which isn't even legally necessary in NYC. Could you imagine?!?! That shit show comes with a gamble that even if you are lucky to live in a good school district there are always more applicants than seats. So there is a chance your kid will get re-zoned to a shit school. In my neighborhood the "A" rated school fills up and the kids get re-zoned to a "D" rated school that is awful. Big difference. There's other options like spending that whole summer attending lottery drawings hoping your kid gets into a charter school so they can go to school and you can schlep them back and forth by subway in rush hour. It's too hard. I don't want to do that. I know what I want to do. I know I will be perfectly happy blogging while drinking a margarita in my backyard this summer. I will be happy in a community where pre-school and going to school in general is simple and the school district is great. I'll be even happier if I can get Alex and his trains to sleep in their own bed in his own bedroom. I'll be so freaking happy having a washer and dryer in my home. I'm not even asking for that much. Just a few materialistic luxuries that I feel are unrealistic in Manhattan and a necessity through out most of the rest of the modern world. I spent a year following the motto that, "It doesn't take more to make you happy but the people who you surround yourself with." Ok, ok but tht is just to an extent right? But for fuck sake take care of our children. Right? And take care, good care, of ourselves. Eat a little bit better. Take more walks. Stop and pause to look and enjoy more. Practice patience. Make meatballs. It's ok to slow down.

Mama Mia Mary's Meatballs
1 package mixed chop meat (veal, pork, beef)
1 dash milk
1 small onion chopped
5-6 cloves garlic chopped
Handful parsley chopped
2 handfuls Parmesan or Pecorino cheese
2 eggs
3 slices moistened crumpled bread
Salt pepper

Mix. Heat veg oil till hot. Roll meatballs by handful into balls as lightly as possible don't pack them tightly at all. You want them to be light and airy inside. So barely roll them. Gentle. Drop into oil. Turn onto all sides 5-7 minutes a batch.

Sunshine Coast

I thought it was a great idea to take my two kids under two, my mother, and my 93 year old Grandmother to Florida this year.  Ok I'm going to repeat that. I thought it was a great idea to take my two kids under two, my mother, and my 93 year old Grandmother to Florida this year. Like every other year I take Grandma down to Deerfield Beach and help her settle into her home to escape the cold New Jersey winters; why would this year be any exception? Are two little monsters quite literally attached to me, longing for every second of my undivided attention, any reason not to want to board a plane and go on vacation?? Absolutely not. My children are angels and I can take them anywhere. I am full of shit. OH MY DEAR LORD WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING?!?!?!?! Packing was easy I took one suitcase to check, a carry-on wheelie with Alex's car seat rigged to it, Dylan's car seat, an umbrella stroller, and a backpack. I rented a crib, double stroller, ride on car for Alex, swing for Dylan, and a bathtub for Dylan for under $250 for 3 weeks from BabyBorrow which is the best service in the freaking world and everything was put together and waiting for us when we got into the apartment. So the day of travel starts with my monsters and I getting into a Carmel car service and heading to good ole Newark airport where my Mom and Grandmother are waiting. Judy is outside smoking and ready to help get us out of the car. We breeze through check in. We breeze through security. We breeze through double diaper changes in the bathroom. We get sandwiches and beers at the fabulous bar next to our gate. Thank you JetBlue for making the boarding area so much more fun. I'm super proud as my kids are the best behaved in the skies. Then we board. Alex is screaming, "All aboard!" He's so freaking excited. I've built this day up for weeeeeeeks and it's here. The gate check lady gave Alex wings. Great now I'll give you the rest of the flight in chronological order. Our seat numbers on our boarding passes differ from the ones on our confirmation. Perfect! We've been moved to the last row. Seriously best seats in the house with kids. Row 24 A,B,C = three adults + 2 lap infants = not enough oxygen masks = never should have been assigned or reassigned these seats = Grandmother gets moved across isle = Alex gets his own free seat. The plane takes off. Dylan eats the whole way up and passes out. I hand him to GG to hold. Alex is screaming "GO! GO! GO!" AND I'm like "Yeahhhh up we go." AND DEAD SERIOUS EXPRESSION... "No Mama, potty NOOOOOOWWWWW NOWWWWWWWWWW POTTY! POTTY! POTTY! POTTY!" It felt like forever with him SCREAMING POTTY MAMA as we're taking off. Arms are spastically waving, feet are kicking the poor people in front of us, and a screaming chant of "POTTY! POTTY! POTTY" can't be tamed what-so-ever. He could just go in his diaper, but NOPE. So as soon as we could possibly get up and go without risking tsa coming on board and arresting me in Florida for disorderly conduct we go to the bathroom. We even get escorted by a flight attendant who wasn't very impressed and should have probably still have been seated too. Alex isn't tall enough to pee in the toilet without a step stool. The kid uses a step stool. He absolutely will not sit and pee. "No sit Mama. No no." OK So I figure I'll just hold him, right? So, here's the sequence of events as they unfold: I put down the changing table (which falls over the toilet if you never used one on an airplane) thinking Alex will stand on it, I'm going to pull his pants down, diaper off, push the table back up, hold him over the potty, and let the kid take a piss mid-air. Good plan, right? Well, no chance. As soon as I pull his diaper off he starts pissing ALL OVER THE god damn sink, the counter, me, it splatters off the mirror onto his shirt, then onto the floor, and on the paper towels. It was THE LONGEST, most never ending, piss that I have ever seen. I've never seen anything like it and doubt I ever will again. I wipe the mess up with pissed on paper towels the best I can, wash our hands, wipe a tear and sweat off of my face, take off his shirt, and shirtless, Alex and I return to our seats. I put on his extra shirt and like nothing out of the ordinary happened he sang through his repertoire of every single song he knows which is close to 20 the ENTIRE way to Florida at the top of his lungs. Dylan woke up in a meltdown only wanting to be held by me. His ears bothered him. I ordered a hummus+crackers plate and drank 2 glasses of wine. We land. We got a Go-Shuttle van to take us to Deerfield. When I couldn't take another minute of journey our driver Danny turned out to be super gay and obsessed with musical theatre. We played Miss Saigon, Cats, and Sunset Blvd the entire way.

"Why the hell don't I live here?!" In the last year I have been hypothetically moving to Brooklyn, Jersey, Staten Island, every single neighborhood in Manhattan, North Carolina, and a rented town-home upstate NY, and again to why not just move to sunny Florida? Four days into my trip I have major complaints. 1) I've read six local newspaper articles in four days about people who got pissed off at someone while driving and shot the person or shot at their car. FL law let's you drive with a gun in the glove compartment (nobody keeps gloves in there who the hell are we kidding) and it comes out ALL OF THE time when people get road rage. Or cut off. Or some bitch takes the parking spot they were waiting on. And that brings me to 2) FL DOES NOT give a shit if you drive and talk on your cell phone. I don't know if there's a law but I'm going to go with no because I haven't seen ONE car pass me by where the driver isn't on a cell phone. Young people, middle aged people, and seniors. I mean you're giving other people reason to get mad and shoot you! What a bad idea- a shit load of people driving around on cell phones with guns in the car. Holy shit. Is it me or is that freaking bananas?! 3) We have gone out to dinner every night and Alex and I have had off-the-beach lunch dates and I still have not seen 1 other baby/toddler/child eating without being on an iPad or an iPhone. Maybe I just don't go out much and this is the new thing? My son and I have so much fun going out to eat. Usually we order a few appetizers and share them and talk about things. Simple things. And our conversations always resort to the potty since the potty, trains, cars, dinosaurs, and airplanes are our world summed up. That's another thing. After one of our off-the-beach lunch dates at the Patio Bar at the Howard Johnson I took Alex to potty and there's a kid using his potty with his mom while waiting to check in to the hotel. But this was no ordinary potty. As he stood waiting to pee it seemed to take forever because it had a build in ipad holder with a splash guard and all and he was VERY busy. WOW.

FLORIDA THROUGH PICTURES

On our way!

Waiting for take-off 

Dylan and GG (can u believe she's 93!!!)

My skinny little beach bum

Alex, always so happy

Dinner at the corner beach bar

Mommy and Dylan time

Shark hunting on a long fisherman's pier

Sandy people!

Taking a break from the beach to go to the Patio Bar for lunch

I figured recipe-wise I would answer some of the questions I've gotten: the most common being; how the hell do you cook everyday with two babies?! Well, I do NOT cook everyday. I HEAT everyday. In three months I have had takeout 2-3 times from a restaurant. Having kids does not make you have to resort to picking up McDonald's!! Trust me, nobody loves McDonald's more than me and I don't eat there more than 4-5x a year because as tasty as that filet of fish is,  it probally isn't really all fish or fish at all. I don't want my kids eating McDonald's so why take them there to get toys with their french fries fried in crap?? We eat all meals home and I have more than enough time to try new recipes and enjoy being a foodie. If you love something you make time. My New Year's resolution was to eat a much more plant based diet. Tonight for dinner I am having an organic herb salad with poached leeks, lentils, blood orange slices and dressed with lemon and a FABULOUS California Olive Oil. Yum.

Poached Leeks

Cut off stem and leaves

Chop

Put 3 tablespoons veg broth in skillet

Poach leeks 3 minutes

Season w EVOO + Lemon Juice

I am obsessed with these as a side dish and added to soups, salads, anything. Health benefits are similar to their cousins garlic and onions and are overlooked often although they're known to keep what imbalances cause heart problems in check and have so many other great benefits. Serving size should be at least 1/2 cup per recipe. When they're done I'll throw them on top of this salad with some green lentils. 

Fake you out spaghetti bolognese 

Instead of making spaghetti with traditional bolognese sauce I made Alex a sauce of my regular tomato sauce, lentils, veggie crumbles and topped with cheese. The way lentils and veggie crumbles mix gives the sauce a great meaty texture and its simple as I had sauce, lentils, and veggie crumbles prepped in the fridge.

Apple brown betty

APPLE BROWN BETTY

2 green apples skinned and chopped

4 pieces whole wheat bread 

butter
cinnamon

brown sugar

maple syrup

Preheat oven 350. Grease casserole dish. Layer 1 of the apples, 2 slices bread chopped into bite sizes, sprinkle sugar over it, a bit of cinnamon, then a few drops of maple syrup, then a few slabs butter. Drizzle about 2 table spoons water over top. Gently press down a bit to mold. Repeat. Bake 30min. Add raisins to get fancy. Serve alone, with a bourbon sauce, or ice cream. This is the cheapest, easiest, can't destroy, most impressive dessert ever. Serves 4-5.

Early Intervention

I've realized from looking around at the playgroup and music class Alex and I go to that most moms aren't as bat shit crazy as I am for having two kids under two. Most of them with kids my sons age are just getting little bellies now or talking about starting to try for a second child. I have a 22mo old and a 2mo old. The first month flew by (thanks to my BFF lindsay for flying in and keeping me sane) ....and then the temperature dropped. It's northeast cold outside. Whole different game. Alex learned the word 'no'. Whole different game especially since it also apparently means yes. In the past 2 months I haven't slept more than 3 hours uninterrupted and I also haven't slept in a bed. I haven't had one day with more than 5 hours of total sleep. I'm in a cloud of blur every minute. It's like always being burnt out and never getting good and stoned. So getting these little monsters ready to go out takes complete military precision. How the HELL does Angelina Jolie do it? I'm sure she doesn't have a dresser just to put coats, hats, gloves, pack a bottle, remember pacifier, take a snack,a favorite toy.. for her 10 kids every single time they have to go outside in cool climates. Or does she?? But seriously. Holy shit. I get myself dressed and ready first so that I'm sweating balls in my sweater in this over pumping steam heated apartment. I get Dylan bundled and into the bjorn carrier. Then I go get Alex and he's pooping in the bedroom. He finishes. I take Dylan out of the carrier and lay him in his bassinet, still bundled. Alex gets changed. I look over and Dylan's just spit up a puddle. I put Alex's coat, hat, and gloves on while performing an over the top song and a bit of bribing to get this to go smoothly. He gets a bottle of milk and a bag of animal crackers. I go to get Dylan and wipe his neck clean and guess what? He's freaking pooped. I go to change him and more poop comes out, and it keeps flowing like the god damn Nile, and of course finishes with me getting pissed on. I switch on Thomas the Train, keeping Alex happy, wipe my sweater, grab Dylan a new outfit, get it on him, bundle him up, back in the carrier, turn off Thomas and off we go! By the time we get to the corner I am in serious need of a cocktail and I worry if I am the only mom dreaming about drinking alone in a dark bar at noon. And it's always something. I love hanging out with my babies. They are the best thing that could have ever happened to me. I am challenged hourly by them and am overall very greatful that I had zero experience ever with kids because I probably would never ever have had one nevermind two. There is nothing worse than a know-it-all mom who panicks when it's her kid she can't figure out. And I see that ALL of the time. I at least babble, "Well I have no idea what the hell I'm doing as I am still new to this job" to every doctor, early intervention evaluator, swim instructor, music class teacher that I've encountered regarding my kids. And it is always something. Dylan has torticollis which I was like, "Um are you saying he is part turtle?" He got his big head in a funny position in my belly that did something to his neck muscle that gave him a tilted head, which makes him favor one side, which he then flattened that side of his head against some bones down in my you-know-what. So he's getting evaluated for physical therapy in home and probably will have to get a helmet molded to his head for a few months to reconstruct his head. I have severe post-partum thyroiditis which you wouldn't want to know what the hell it is if you want to consider having children one day, a sprained index finger from lifting Alex during a meltdown, and something annoyingly out of whack with a knee. Alex doesn't talk so his doctor also had him evaluated the other day by the NY State early intervention program for speech delays. He not only doesn't qualify but he tested on a 3year old+ level in comprehention. Today he pulled me into the kitchen for a cookie. I gave him an oreo and he said "no" and put his hands up so I could pick him up and he could show me exactly what he wanted. He panned his little hands around my pantry, found my empty cookie tin, and cried because it was empty. That's where I store my homemade cookies that I clearly haven't made in two months. He wants them NOW? Like what the hell made him think of this?? After a few tears he settled for a fruit cup, kiss, and a promise that the cookies were coming but he had to wait till after his nap. Shit. I had a laundry list of things to do during nap time and making cookies was the last thing I felt like doing first. But I did it. I whipped em out like Betty fucking Crocker herself and put them in the tin and hid the tin in the back of the pantry where it belongs. Hidden. If he woke up and asked for them that would be very interesting and if not I'd surprise him after dinner. Sure enough Alex woke up and as soon as his little feet hit the ground he took my hand, pulled me like a dog into the kitchen, arms up, finger pointing and he directed a brand new word: "MINE" at the cookie tin. Forget comprehending on a 3yr old level; this kid comprehends more than my 42yr old husband!

My Dylan. 8 weeks and 13 1/2 pounds of love. 

My theory: If I wear jingle bells my kids will laugh and smile all day.  So far so good!

Jingle all the way.... to bed!

Impact: My Sandy Journey

MONDAY MORNING; SANDY'S COMING!
It has been almost 10 years since the NYC blackout of 2003 happened. Growing up on the Jersey shore we lost power for hours every time it rained, but never have I ever experienced days without electricity in the heat of August or ever. I was 21, smoking wasn't yet outlawed in bars, and I was living in Hell's Kitchen. My friend Johnny and I sat on my stoop that day into night drinking over priced beers and making grilled cheese for us and my neighbors. My neighbors serenaded us with sing-a-longs like Kumbaya and Life Goes On on their guitars. We had a freaking blast. Ten years ago I was a carefree bartender, dating a well known Broadway star, a lawyer, the hottest cop in NYC.. forget that the hottest cop on the planet, and living on my own in a 1 bedroom apartment on West 56th Street. Fast forward ten years and my oh my how things have changed. I am married and a mom of two under two; scheming to find a way to move back and raise my babies in Hell's Kitchen. I moved to Washington Heights 8 years ago and it was just last year that Hurricane Irene was a threat to our electricity and I spent about $100 unnecessarily on batteries, candles, beer, and flashlights. Ok the beer was necessary. We only wound up getting a little bit of rain uptown, but I was a bit uneasy about going through a big storm with a seven month old baby. My extended family evacuated to my parent's house in NJ and they lost power for 3 nights and 4 long days. This year, well tonight, Sandy Frankenstorm is going to smack directly into my parents house on the Jersey Shore. Atlantic City is closed. That sucks, right?? It sounds like the perfect place to be! I'd LOVE to be in a big hotel, playing blackjack, drinking martini's while the perfect storm unfolds all around. There's no windows in the casino. It seems so perfect, but if Donald Trump makes the decision to close the doors then game on. This is serious. Everyone in my family has evacuated to my aunt and uncle's house that has the inlet from the ocean in the backyard and the beach two blocks away. They are under evacuation orders themselves BUT... they have a $10,000 hospital grade generator that automatically switches over when power fails, pork chops, burgers, and a full bar so they're having a hurricane party. They tried to lure me and my kids with the tempting promise of late night karaoke in the bar, but there will be chain smoking and I would never ever take my kids to a town under evacuation. The police are driving around on megaphones telling everyone to get out. So crazy! My husband is in NYC and he just called that he is working tonight on his night off (he's bartending) because nobody else wants to work and there's loads of trapped tourists. The hotels are packed. The subways and buses shutdown at 7pm last night and truthfully I am worried about him carrying a lot of cash and trying to get a taxi at 2-3am. Hopefully he won't be drinking with the guys knowing me and the kids are out of town. It is going to be what it is going to be. It's a serious storm heading my way. My best friend in Costa Rica just survived a crazy earthquake where the epicenter was like so close to her town. People in the Midwest deal with tornadoes coming straight for their homes and hope they won't be homeless afterward. My almost two year old is going to have a blast camping at Grandma's in the dark, but I am nervous about my 3 week old baby. I have enough formula for a week, cases of diapers, a garage stacked with water, instant coffee, a full wine fridge, and 3 generations of women who can really cook but I have been put in charge of the cooking. I made homemade chicken/spinach/feta sausages that will go over bow tie pasta/peas/light garlic cream tonight. Mmmmmm!! I grew up with the town butcher who ground my chicken while we chatted about our kids and the chaos. My mom is taking care of Alex. My fabulous 92year old grandma is taking care of Dylan. I'm left missing the hell out of my kids and only being able to kiss them with dirty hands while the baby hogs spoil them rotten. Baby hogs. There are two other new moms on the block where I am staying. The same block I grew up on just with two new families. Yesterday they were taking their babies for a walk together as I was coming back from seriously caffeinating myself at Dunkin Donuts. So we got to chatting and holy shit they were bugging out about this storm: who's on the wait list for a generator, boarding up, evacuating, looking for plane tickets to visit Aunt Whoever in California, and ladies... you can't run. Or can you? You'd really rather visit your husbands distant German aunt with a newborn in another city than ride out a 36 hour storm?? Really?? I was concerned if I'd be able to flat iron my hair before the power goes. Am I not taking this as seriously as I should be when the storm itself is out of my hands? Am I going to be the dumb ass mom who ran out of formula, who's milk went sour, and who was left serving her toddler cold chef-boy-r-dee straight from the can because I don't have a generator, more than 7-8 days worth of formula, and because my gas stove has electric igniters and won't even work with help of a match?!?! No way. The liquor store that is about 6-7 city blocks away up the road vowed not to close. Livotti's, the Italian Market next door, purchased a $5,000 generator and is up and running no matter what. So I can always be the dumb ass mom hitting the store in a hurricane or it's aftermath. But that's unlikely. The rain will stop, the stove will light, and by the time my 31st birthday arrives next week Sandy will be a storm of the past. Actually the media wants us to panick and spend a lot of money stocking up . They are being so dramatic Fox5 has freaking Geraldo covering the mess. Geraldo! They can totally manage to scare those who aren't even scared. I am not scared. I am confident we have a safe house and that we have enough supplies inside of it. As long as a tree doesn't fall on top of it we're good. Today one of the husbands of the girls I ran into yesterday was outside with their brand new generator. They made the wait list. They decided to spend at least $1000 (probably more) on one. If I owned a house on the Jersey Shore I would have had a generator too. He wished me luck and I wished him the same. But I have all of my bases covered. I may not have a generator but.... I have 4 unopened toys hidden in my dad's car for Alex. I'm on my first glass of wine now while I start this blog and the babies nap with GG. Dinner is prepped. Sausage is cooked. All I have to do is boil the water and nuke the rest. Come on Sandy, show us what you got.

Monday morning GG and the babies.

We had to start coloring BEFORE the blackout because PBS had to inturrupt EVERY single cartoon for non breaking news storm coverage. How the hell do I explain that to my hysterical crying almost 2 year old!?!? NOT FAIR PBS- Dinoseur Train should have been left alone!!!!!

Homemade spinach-feta-chicken sausage with peas over bowtie pasta in a light garlic cream. 

8pm Monday HURRICANE SANDY HIT THE JERSEY SHORE

The view out my Grandmother's third floor window of what was a busy two way main street, Silver Lake, and park= 8th Avenue Belmar, NJ. 

The backyard where our pool was yesterday

My Uncle's car was lucky it didn't float away like Wayne's next door did

Monday Night
The surge hit. The wind is so loud the whistling is scaring Alex more than the creepy shadow puppets my brother and I keep projecting on the walls. The sky is lighting up like the 4th of July. The radio says in the next town (Colts Neck) there are flashing lights in the sky due to transformers blowing up, but this looks like a really crazy lightning show. Or UFO's incoming. Either way I have to entertain Alex and my shadow puppet animals need a LOT of work. My shadow puppet falick symbols are totally up to par. #StillGotIt

Aunt Rose and UnclemRonald's $10,000 generator got water in it and failed around 9pm. Their dock is on their neighbors lawn. Their fridge is floating and their bar is under water. GG doesn't know her house is 1/3 underwater and will be 1/2 underwater within the next few hours. The ocean on one part of town met the river on the other part of town as  tsunami-like destruction washed out Belmar, NJ. My beach house and town is not recognizable. Last update from Uncle Louis was that Wayne next door's car just floated away. Uncle Louis is in the house riding out the storm alone. And still, here we are a few miles inland, my Mother Judy spooked that this is one of the Blessed Mother Mary's predictions and the world is absolutely ending. She is ranting about this nervously with a  ghost light candle thing over her face and it's getting creepy. My dad is freaking about about the gutters and water coming in. My babies are warm and cozy by the fire. And we may not have electric or cell phone service but we have our homes, good wine, a radio, a gas fireplace.... and each other. 

Cheers!

 TUESDAY AFTERNOON- the aftermath
Alex got bundled and played in the leaves and puddles. Whoever stayed on the block is busy throwing uprooted trees and branches onto the cemetery property therefor avoiding a $500 per house tree cleanup service. It's cold even with the fireplace and oven on. The temperature has dropped 20 degrees; from the 50's to the 30's.  Central Jersey is predicted not to have power for the next 7-10days. My parents have Verizon cell service. The neighbors next door have Verizon too and no service. Figure that out. At&t is down so I have no cell phone service or Internet on my iPad. I called Carmel car service at 5am with a weak signal to take us home and they're out of cars for today. Tomorrow me and the kids are booked to have a car service take us home. The boys are napping and again it's day 2 of drinking a pint of wine in front of the fire. Obama is on the radio talking about the nurses who carried the newborns out of NYU hospital yesterday and the firefighters in Queens. Crazy images I'd love to watch on tv, but I am listening to the radio and living like its the 1940's. Obama comes to NJ tomorrow. Will he turn on the electric?? Maybe my cell phone?? 

Dad and Alex taking out broken branches

Alex is my favorite first responder!

 TUESDAY NIGHT

Alex is officially scared of dark because of Sandy Frankenstorm. I've opened his first hidden toy; the etch-a-sketch. We made homemade play dough earlier when it started raining. We got Peter Luger hamburgers from Brooklyn defrosted in the freezer ready for tonight's dinner with potato chips. The water in Belmar, NJ is still 5-6 feet in the streets and past front doors. GG may have to come to NYC with me and the kids tomorrow. It is so cold. This will be my second night in a row staying awake through the night holding my babies by the fire. #sandy #survival 

NOON ON WEDNESDAY Carmel showed up on the dot to get me and the kids out of New Jersey.

THURSDAY Diapers.com overnighted my diapers and formula because now I am freaked out about not having 2+ weeks supply at all times. I ordered a box to donate to my church's collection and put together some clothes to send too. I can not believe that this happened. GG stayed to be closer to her house, she would not get in the cab and come to NYC. She and my parents are freezing and running very low on supplies. 

FRIDAY my 31st birthday 

SATURDAY my Grandmother thinks at 92 she can get a good paying city job because she is going to invent a furnace that can withstand hurricanes by using submarine technology. My dad, the most unhandy man on the planet, made a makeshift heater by hanging plastic painter's tarp in the entryway's and seal off the living room with the fireplace from the rest of the house. HEAT AT LAST. He also used the rest of his gas to find an open Home Depot and came back with torch lighters to keep use of the stove/ grill and flashlights that take AA Batteries since D batteries are impossible to replace. HOORAY!!!! GENIUS! 

SUNDAY My Dad is in crazy pain after coming down with a terrible case of shingles. He's one of the 5% that can get it more than one time and the stress of Sandy brought an outbreak at the worst time. THANK YOU LORD for us not being there or my kids probably would've caught chickpox. Rumor has it power will be out until Wednesday in Central NJ. My husband's going back to work tomorrow. I spent my night snuggling with my babies a little longer and holding them a little tighter as you never know how bad a storm can be until it hits. We are so so so so so so so lucky and will be spending time in Belmar eventually helping to clean and rebuild GG's home and help in the neighborhood in any way we can. 

There's NO place like home and we are lucky to have one.

Brothers!

I usually make 2 and freeze one before it cooks but this time I made one and donated the other to my neighbor hosting friends from downtown who were evacuated.

MAMA'S MEATLOAF

5 pounds mixed meat- veal, pork, beef (or go ahead and use turkey if thats your thing)

2 large onions

4 grated garlic cloves

3 eggs

4 pieces lightly moistened bread

1 package onion soup mix

handful chopped parsley

a good squeeze of ketchup

dash hot sauce

splash milk

Preheat oven to 350. Mix together well. Break up the bread into little bity pieces. Mix again. Form two loaf's. Drizzle ketchup over the top (or raw bacon if you want to go there) Bake 1 hour. 

Mama's meatloaf is no joke mmmmmmmm!!!