Sunshine Coast

I thought it was a great idea to take my two kids under two, my mother, and my 93 year old Grandmother to Florida this year.  Ok I'm going to repeat that. I thought it was a great idea to take my two kids under two, my mother, and my 93 year old Grandmother to Florida this year. Like every other year I take Grandma down to Deerfield Beach and help her settle into her home to escape the cold New Jersey winters; why would this year be any exception? Are two little monsters quite literally attached to me, longing for every second of my undivided attention, any reason not to want to board a plane and go on vacation?? Absolutely not. My children are angels and I can take them anywhere. I am full of shit. OH MY DEAR LORD WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING?!?!?!?! Packing was easy I took one suitcase to check, a carry-on wheelie with Alex's car seat rigged to it, Dylan's car seat, an umbrella stroller, and a backpack. I rented a crib, double stroller, ride on car for Alex, swing for Dylan, and a bathtub for Dylan for under $250 for 3 weeks from BabyBorrow which is the best service in the freaking world and everything was put together and waiting for us when we got into the apartment. So the day of travel starts with my monsters and I getting into a Carmel car service and heading to good ole Newark airport where my Mom and Grandmother are waiting. Judy is outside smoking and ready to help get us out of the car. We breeze through check in. We breeze through security. We breeze through double diaper changes in the bathroom. We get sandwiches and beers at the fabulous bar next to our gate. Thank you JetBlue for making the boarding area so much more fun. I'm super proud as my kids are the best behaved in the skies. Then we board. Alex is screaming, "All aboard!" He's so freaking excited. I've built this day up for weeeeeeeks and it's here. The gate check lady gave Alex wings. Great now I'll give you the rest of the flight in chronological order. Our seat numbers on our boarding passes differ from the ones on our confirmation. Perfect! We've been moved to the last row. Seriously best seats in the house with kids. Row 24 A,B,C = three adults + 2 lap infants = not enough oxygen masks = never should have been assigned or reassigned these seats = Grandmother gets moved across isle = Alex gets his own free seat. The plane takes off. Dylan eats the whole way up and passes out. I hand him to GG to hold. Alex is screaming "GO! GO! GO!" AND I'm like "Yeahhhh up we go." AND DEAD SERIOUS EXPRESSION... "No Mama, potty NOOOOOOWWWWW NOWWWWWWWWWW POTTY! POTTY! POTTY! POTTY!" It felt like forever with him SCREAMING POTTY MAMA as we're taking off. Arms are spastically waving, feet are kicking the poor people in front of us, and a screaming chant of "POTTY! POTTY! POTTY" can't be tamed what-so-ever. He could just go in his diaper, but NOPE. So as soon as we could possibly get up and go without risking tsa coming on board and arresting me in Florida for disorderly conduct we go to the bathroom. We even get escorted by a flight attendant who wasn't very impressed and should have probably still have been seated too. Alex isn't tall enough to pee in the toilet without a step stool. The kid uses a step stool. He absolutely will not sit and pee. "No sit Mama. No no." OK So I figure I'll just hold him, right? So, here's the sequence of events as they unfold: I put down the changing table (which falls over the toilet if you never used one on an airplane) thinking Alex will stand on it, I'm going to pull his pants down, diaper off, push the table back up, hold him over the potty, and let the kid take a piss mid-air. Good plan, right? Well, no chance. As soon as I pull his diaper off he starts pissing ALL OVER THE god damn sink, the counter, me, it splatters off the mirror onto his shirt, then onto the floor, and on the paper towels. It was THE LONGEST, most never ending, piss that I have ever seen. I've never seen anything like it and doubt I ever will again. I wipe the mess up with pissed on paper towels the best I can, wash our hands, wipe a tear and sweat off of my face, take off his shirt, and shirtless, Alex and I return to our seats. I put on his extra shirt and like nothing out of the ordinary happened he sang through his repertoire of every single song he knows which is close to 20 the ENTIRE way to Florida at the top of his lungs. Dylan woke up in a meltdown only wanting to be held by me. His ears bothered him. I ordered a hummus+crackers plate and drank 2 glasses of wine. We land. We got a Go-Shuttle van to take us to Deerfield. When I couldn't take another minute of journey our driver Danny turned out to be super gay and obsessed with musical theatre. We played Miss Saigon, Cats, and Sunset Blvd the entire way.

"Why the hell don't I live here?!" In the last year I have been hypothetically moving to Brooklyn, Jersey, Staten Island, every single neighborhood in Manhattan, North Carolina, and a rented town-home upstate NY, and again to why not just move to sunny Florida? Four days into my trip I have major complaints. 1) I've read six local newspaper articles in four days about people who got pissed off at someone while driving and shot the person or shot at their car. FL law let's you drive with a gun in the glove compartment (nobody keeps gloves in there who the hell are we kidding) and it comes out ALL OF THE time when people get road rage. Or cut off. Or some bitch takes the parking spot they were waiting on. And that brings me to 2) FL DOES NOT give a shit if you drive and talk on your cell phone. I don't know if there's a law but I'm going to go with no because I haven't seen ONE car pass me by where the driver isn't on a cell phone. Young people, middle aged people, and seniors. I mean you're giving other people reason to get mad and shoot you! What a bad idea- a shit load of people driving around on cell phones with guns in the car. Holy shit. Is it me or is that freaking bananas?! 3) We have gone out to dinner every night and Alex and I have had off-the-beach lunch dates and I still have not seen 1 other baby/toddler/child eating without being on an iPad or an iPhone. Maybe I just don't go out much and this is the new thing? My son and I have so much fun going out to eat. Usually we order a few appetizers and share them and talk about things. Simple things. And our conversations always resort to the potty since the potty, trains, cars, dinosaurs, and airplanes are our world summed up. That's another thing. After one of our off-the-beach lunch dates at the Patio Bar at the Howard Johnson I took Alex to potty and there's a kid using his potty with his mom while waiting to check in to the hotel. But this was no ordinary potty. As he stood waiting to pee it seemed to take forever because it had a build in ipad holder with a splash guard and all and he was VERY busy. WOW.

FLORIDA THROUGH PICTURES

On our way!

Waiting for take-off 

Dylan and GG (can u believe she's 93!!!)

My skinny little beach bum

Alex, always so happy

Dinner at the corner beach bar

Mommy and Dylan time

Shark hunting on a long fisherman's pier

Sandy people!

Taking a break from the beach to go to the Patio Bar for lunch

I figured recipe-wise I would answer some of the questions I've gotten: the most common being; how the hell do you cook everyday with two babies?! Well, I do NOT cook everyday. I HEAT everyday. In three months I have had takeout 2-3 times from a restaurant. Having kids does not make you have to resort to picking up McDonald's!! Trust me, nobody loves McDonald's more than me and I don't eat there more than 4-5x a year because as tasty as that filet of fish is,  it probally isn't really all fish or fish at all. I don't want my kids eating McDonald's so why take them there to get toys with their french fries fried in crap?? We eat all meals home and I have more than enough time to try new recipes and enjoy being a foodie. If you love something you make time. My New Year's resolution was to eat a much more plant based diet. Tonight for dinner I am having an organic herb salad with poached leeks, lentils, blood orange slices and dressed with lemon and a FABULOUS California Olive Oil. Yum.

Poached Leeks

Cut off stem and leaves

Chop

Put 3 tablespoons veg broth in skillet

Poach leeks 3 minutes

Season w EVOO + Lemon Juice

I am obsessed with these as a side dish and added to soups, salads, anything. Health benefits are similar to their cousins garlic and onions and are overlooked often although they're known to keep what imbalances cause heart problems in check and have so many other great benefits. Serving size should be at least 1/2 cup per recipe. When they're done I'll throw them on top of this salad with some green lentils. 

Fake you out spaghetti bolognese 

Instead of making spaghetti with traditional bolognese sauce I made Alex a sauce of my regular tomato sauce, lentils, veggie crumbles and topped with cheese. The way lentils and veggie crumbles mix gives the sauce a great meaty texture and its simple as I had sauce, lentils, and veggie crumbles prepped in the fridge.

Apple brown betty

APPLE BROWN BETTY

2 green apples skinned and chopped

4 pieces whole wheat bread 

butter
cinnamon

brown sugar

maple syrup

Preheat oven 350. Grease casserole dish. Layer 1 of the apples, 2 slices bread chopped into bite sizes, sprinkle sugar over it, a bit of cinnamon, then a few drops of maple syrup, then a few slabs butter. Drizzle about 2 table spoons water over top. Gently press down a bit to mold. Repeat. Bake 30min. Add raisins to get fancy. Serve alone, with a bourbon sauce, or ice cream. This is the cheapest, easiest, can't destroy, most impressive dessert ever. Serves 4-5.