A Long Decmber

My newest friend Jessica has an almost three year old daughter named Crystal.  Jessica can't enroll Crystal in 4-hour a day preschool until she's potty trained.  Like Alex, Crystal is almost there.  She pee's on the potty regularly and on occasion will drop a deuce on it.  Jessica comes into work the other day freaking out to talk to me and I take a deep breath just knowing it's a story filled with shit. She bought Crystal her own pretty pink big girl potty. It sits on the floor and plays music when you go...  but Jessica didn't show or tell Crystal that part.  So Crystal really loves this thing and she actually sits down when it was her time to drop a deuce. So she drops one.... and the damn thing starts singing, "If you're happy and you know it clap your hands!" The little girl went bananas. She didn't get or like music playing. It's scary for a child to experience controlling a turd coming out of their own assholes. That's a very big thing and the last thing a kid needs is to get the shit (yep literally) scared out of them. What a bad idea. What a very bad idea. But we live in a society where it's easier to reward with a toy that sings when a kid shits rather than rewarding with a hug, lollipop, or a cookie. Isn't it warm loving relationships, confident children, and wonderful memories we're building? I don't think potty's that sing and books that read themselves and the fucking threats of Elf on a Shelf are great or good. I think they're dumb and gimmicky and kids are smarter than any of it. Jessica wasted $30 on a potty. I wasted $30 on Elf on A Shelf and it pretty much ruined my whole Christmas spirit.  Like Jessica, I had GREAT intentions.  Since Thanksgiving everyone I talked to started asking me if I am doing Elf on a Shelf.  Hugh?!?!? Elf on a Shelf this and Elf on a Shelf that. I never heard of the monster.  So after hearing about it and people swearing by what a WONDERFUL activity it is for the family I got excited, drove to Barnes and Noble, and started to feel VERY reluctant to spent $30 on a book and a 8-inch (maybe) little ugly Elf. If I only listened to my gut.  Here's what happened: Alex named the Elf Mouth.  We read the book like 4 times.  That night Alex woke up screaming, "MY MOUTH! MY MOUTH! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" I could not imagine what the hell was going on in his mouth I thought the exorcist was really happening to my child and he was going to anytime start hissing.  But, he started babbling more as I somehow calmed him a bit.  "Mouth is looking for me.. he is scary.. he is watching me.. I am a good boy, Mommy!" OMG MOUTH THE ELF. After an hour of my kid's night-terror asleep-not-with-it-ramble he fell asleep.  In the morning he remembered NOTHING of his night of hell or dreaming and ecstatic to get his brother up and go looking for where Mouth moved to. He remembered Mouth moves every morning after reporting to Santa when the kids are asleep.  He remembered every detail of the story.  And so every night Alex would have CRAZY night terrors about Mouth, being good for Santa, being watched... it just got ugly.  I tried to get rid of Mouth in so many ways. I even instagramed him in the blender. I tried EVERYTHING. When Alex couldn't find him he wouldn't eat breakfast. He'd act out. He became obsessed with finding him. He is also the most determined person I have ever met, so he lived to find Mouth. I never after reading the original story mentioned being good because I learned a BIG lesson for myself.  I became determined to get Mouth the hell away from our house and our lives. Toys for Tots set up at my job donation boxes. I took Alex and Dylan to the toy store which is ALWAYS a disaster that ends with my both kids weeping. We talked A LOT about how they were going to pick out two toys each to give to kids who can not get presents from Santa and have had a very difficult year. To my BIG surprise they both picked out toys and left the store fine.... like we walked out of a drug store.  No big deal.  Then we went to my work and they were to put them in the box to send to the kids who need help buying presents.  Alex looked in the box and found a train of cars. He took it out and was very excited naming the colors. He really liked this toy someone else left in the box.  He said, "A little boy will like this toy a lot. I love cars. Can I put my toys in the box too Mommy?" I said, "Sure, put them in."  Then I took Mouth out of my purse and added, "I think Mouth needs to watch over the other kids too because you and Dylan are such good boys he will never need to watch either of you again." And the voice of an angel said the best thing I ever heard, "Mommy, that is a GREAT idea!!!!!" ALL CHILDREN ARE GOOD. They may be a pain in the ass, but they are good.

I am anti cell phones and tablets at mealtime. However some lunches and dinners my kids and I watch tv. If I cook and dinner is ready while their shows are still on we watch it and eat... sometimes even picnic style on the floor. Other nights we play music. Some nights we color. Some nights I am working and the kids have dinner with their Dad or Grandparents. Last night we played leapfrog into our soup bowls whole we ate. But they have a sit down dinner and sometimes more meals with whoever is home with them. I judged parents so badly who I have seen on their phones at a restaurant while their kid is on a tablet. I judged families that never eat together. I judged how disconnected kids are at mealtime but I've had a BIG change of heart.  You know, even if its disconnected it's still together.  One kid Alex plays with eats dinner on the couch and their parents eat hours later.  I asked if they ever eat together and they laughed how stressful that sounds.  I laughed too that it is stressful.  It's sometimes VERY stressful and it is a LOT of work. I also told them I pour a pint of wine to get us through most meals.  Everyone is different and every household functions differently.  That family I am friends with really can not do dinnertime stress, but they ALWAYS have the best picnics by the pool in the summer and always invite Alex and I over for hot coco and cookies on chilly days after the playground. So, that's their family memories and they are great. On other play dates I've found out a lot about other kids and how they do meals.  One little boy eats meals at daycare and snacks on cereal at home, another is home with an older brother until her parents come home after she's in bed 6 nights a week, and my good friend and her 3 year old daughter go out to eat together all of the time.  Lucky is having a caring family. I don't want my kids to ever complain about what they don't have because I am giving them all I do have.

I thought I was VERY lucky to able to spend $30+ whenever for my kids in NYC to do some Mommy and Me's where we sang songs, cuddled, and basically sat around on a rug. I also took Alex to rooftop swimming, 3-Man-Band baby music class, Toddler and Me cooking class, Toddler gymnastics, and enrolled him in Baby Picasso Scribblers: an arts and crafts enrichment class and a two day a week Mom led playgroup where we taught lessons. Dylan either was in my belly or was coming along since he was wee weeks old. We loved our NYC community and now that Alex is in preschool I want to do some things with Dylan. On Sundays in NYC I taught Sunday school at a non denominational church that took kids out of mass to teach them bible stories: Christian influenced. We taught through play. New York has this way of keeping busy Mom's extra extra busy. Super Mom's going uptown, downtown, and into other boroughs to take their babies on play-dates. In Jersey, I've worn myself to the ground. First, I am more of a single mom as my husband primarily lives in NYC 5-6 days a week. Second, I am now working late nights and 10 hour shifts. I got sick one too many times. I had a cold, pink eye, a stomach bug, then a week later hit with the worst cold/ laryngitis ever.  I went to the doctor thinking I had an upper respiratory infection or sinus infection, something. My doctor told me I'm unrealistic. Really?!?! Me?!?! Well I kind of did build my life on being unrealistic !! Seriously. I've never been realistic. Ever. But, as I'm telling the doctor how I can't make it through a day without feeling tired and I'm getting sick a lot he gave it to me. "Mary, you can't work late nights, be up early mornings, have unrealistic to-do lists to finish too, and not ever relax. You have a very bad cold. You are exhausted. You need to be realistic." He is absolutely right.  This is going to be a VERY change but I want to slow down.

For Christmas Santa got me a slow cooker.  Instead of stressing over a dish and side dishes and making extra veggies for me all for one freaking meal I am going towards the "throw it in a pot and see what you get" mode.  Today I threw all my leftover produce and some cans in the CrockPot and this medley is the first of many garbage pail soups.

SLOW-COOKED GARBAGE PAIL SOUP #1
1 cup uncooked barley
1 can great northern white beans rinsed* or cannelloni beans rinsed
1 can corn
1 package wild heirloom tomatoes
32 oz veggie stock container
1/2 package baby carrots
4 stalks chopped celery
1 onion sliced
5 cloves garlic slices
a few pieces of fresh ginger
1 10 oz bag kale** add last 20 min of cooking.
1 squirt Siraicha sauce
whatever herbs dried and fresh i had i put in
salt and pepper

Throw everything except kale into crock pot and cook on low 8+ hours or on high 4+. Add water or more broth at the end if it is too thick. Add kale for the last 20 minutes.