All of the normal people are in Jersey

I'll never take the phrase "scaring the shit" out of someone lightly again. I never thought one could be so scared they could actually shit themselves. We spend most of the summer on the Jersey shore where my entire family lives. Alex and I do like 2-3 weeks in NJ and then 2-3 weeks in NYC. So my parents and I took Alex to a little farm/ petting zoo one morning a few weeks ago. And I see how Alex is SUCH a city kid. He loved seeing the animals. We had a great time. Towards the end of our visit there was a rooster sitting on a fence maybe 2 feet away from where we were standing. Grandpa was holding Alex and when the rooster let out a cock-a-doole-doo Alex jumped a mile, screamed, and pooped his pants!!!! EWWWWWwwwwww in my Dad's arms, so gross, my kid pooped his pants!! The rooster scared the shit out of him and I had to change his little diaper in the grass and try and calm him down, but he wanted to get the hell out of there. There was no cooperating. I wanted to get the hell out of there. What a fucking mess. I'll take him back when he can know the words to Old McDonald and wipes his own ass.

So besides the farm, Alex LOVES the Jersey shore. We walk to the beach every morning, my whole family lives within 4-5blocks from each other, I hired a swim instructor to come to the house (which was a disaster; my mom, aunt, and 92 year old Grandma, beers in hand, kept telling him how the Y taught me in 1982 and how swim techniques were much better back then. OMG. Shut it.), there's a fabulous playgound across the street and another on the beach, and there's always someone dying to cook for us. But, we haven't seen any other moms with kids out on the beach in the mornings or at the playground much. We don't have any friends there or any kids in the family so it can get lonely. The best part is the food. Yummy Italian state of goodness. I'm always hungry. Actually, starving. I don't remember being this hungry when I was pregnant with Alex at all. And I feel great but I am starting to feel so big and I have such a long way to go. I'm 24 weeks and gained 11 lbs so far which is right on target. When I was pregnant with Alex my friend Spencer told me I'm the biggest pregnant lady he's every seen, but I felt like I looked so much bigger than I felt. Not so much this time. I feel pretty big. Maybe cause this time it's summer and I'm in less clothes or maybe I'm just fucking huge. Whatever. So it's coffee, juice, and breakfast on the beach by 8am every single day and that's fine with me. Alex is the best beach kid ever. He's obsessed and can play in the sand for hours. Marc's even made it down Sat-Mon a few times. We're so lucky and I tell myself this everyday. But Jersey runs its course. There's way too many chiefs and not enough Indians. But in the summer it's hot in the city, but with kids it is so fun and so easy until we have to take the subway uptown in rush hour or on a Sunday afternoon... or the elevator is broken. Then NYC fucking sucks and can kiss my Jersey ass. When we're in the city we have our outdoor playgroup two mornings a week, swimming class on the roof of a fabulous midtown hotel, sometimes a music class, and the parks and playground. The swimming class with other kids on this hotel rooftop is one of the most fun things Alex and I could do together. Actually it's one of those only in New York-if my friends could see me now experiences. It's so fun and we SCORED with a great group of kids and moms from all over Manhattan and Queens, who like me, don't hesitate to blow and dunk the baby. And they don't obsess over making their own saltines. Actually, most of them are from Long Island and have pools in their families yards or plan on moving back soon and they want to get their kids swimming too asap. They're nice, but I have the BEST friends in the world. Since Marc works 6-7 nights (and days too) a week I am 95% on my own everyday and night with Alex. My friends have never once complained or bitched me out that I've missed like every birthday, I've had to flake on plans quite a few times, or that I've again forgotten to call them back. I have felt so bad so many times I wished they would call me and freak out, but they just get it. Or they tear me a part over drinks behind my back, which is totally fine too. I have best friends who I click with, that are my family, and yet meeting someone new who has a kid would be awesome. But, someone I can talk about other things with than just our kids. How hard is it to meet a girl with a kid that drinks alcohol and likes theatre or the Kardashians and is from the tri-state area?!? Impossible. I meet people everyday at all the stuff Alex and I do and we have a fun little network uptown of people to do things with. But, they're from all over the world and some I swear from different planets. We got an email inviting us to a fun date by one of the girls who go to this playgroup. FUN. We never get invited to things and I'm getting all excited reading the email and guess what!? It's a clothing swap date. Yep. A fucking clothing swap date to teach our children about recycling. What!? Our kids are under 18 months old cheap-o's!!!!! Here's the deal: bring an item of clothing you and your child don't mind parting with that's in great condition. We'll lay it on a table and swap so everyone will leave with something new and don't have to buy a new item!! What!?!?! And 10 'yes' replies already?!?! WHAT!?!?! So, I am going bananas. Like, hello I am from New JERSEY where we go to the mall. Or an outlet. Or use our 30% off coupons at Kohl's. Where we shop cheap and new for our little babies. Hell no would this shit ever happen across the river. So, I call my BFF Joey who lives in Los Angeles but is from Ohio and ask him what he thinks of the clothes swap date. "Oh fun!!!! That's the shit we did all the time in Ohio!!!" Of course that's what he says. So whatever. I am from the other planet. And hell yes I declined that invite and tried so hard not to roll my eyes when the moms compliment how cute Ava looks in Jeffrey's hoodie. As much as I absolutely am a New Yorker, and as much of a city person as it gets, I swear all of the normal people are in New Jersey!!!!!

The culprit 

Grandpa get me the hell out of here! 

Goodbye farm and good riddance! 

The King of Belmar beach 

So. Here's what's for dinner since I am craving shrimp like all of the time. The price: $22 for a shrimp dinner from my local Jersey shore fish market/restaurant which gives you 12 fried shrimp, french fries, and tartar sauce. So $88 for take out for 4 people seems unreasonable when $20 gets me about 2 lbs (about 45 medium size) shrimp from the local fishermen. (Or a big frozen bag from any fish market/ Costco/ ect) I LOVE buying fresh but same price and Costco's come cleaned and deveined. I was my night to cook and I made a shrimp fest dinner for my family; a mix of scampi, cocktail in a spicy bloody Mary, and fried with homemade tartar sauce. It's super affordable for 4 people and it needs to be served with two sides b/c shrimp isn't the most filling of foods. Marinate boiled shrimp cocktail in a bag of bloody Mary mix overnight or for a few hours at least in fridge. Keep some fresh mix to serve w instead of using cocktail sauce. Fry up some shrimp. And cook the rest in the scampi sauce. It's quick, delicious, very impressive, and with the sides included cost me $33. I served it with a salad, corn on the cob, and my favorite; jalapeño corn bread.

SCAMPI SAUCE 
handful of garlic
3 tbs butter
Squeeze lemon
Splash white wine or beer
2 handfuls breadcrumbs

HOMEMADE TARTAR
1 cup mayo homemade or store bought
juice 1/2 lemon
2 tbs grated onion
small handful chopped pickles/ cornichons
if you have em throw in about 1 tbs chopped capers
a little dill
some parsley
dash worcestershire
splash hot sauce

SHRIMP FEST